I last wrote in January. I was frustrated with a "process". That process was buying a house. It was a long process and it wasn't until April that we ended up buying a house.
That is what the first half of this year was all about: Finding a house.
We did. Then we went on vacation.Then did some work on the fence. Then I went to summer camp for a week. Then we got a dog. Then I went back to summer camp for another week. Then I came home for a couple days. Then it was time for VBS. During VBS I was offered a new job at the church. Then I got the new job. Then we started remodeling our basement.
That has been our year in four lines. That has been our year in 75 words or less. Yes, there were other things that happened, but if you asked me to give a summary of 2013 thus far, that would be it.
So here I am, with a couple minutes to spare before a band rehearsal to say "Yes, I am still here. Yes, I am still writing. And, yes, life is still moving faster than a NASCAR race."
...Did I just use a NASCAR reference? Good grief. That would be the influence of my husband. Not living in the South, but my husband. I don't even like NASCAR, just watch for the wrecks.
But thats neither here nor there.
I, however, am here.
And, I will be here more often. I have a lot to say. I have a lot that I learned this year and I am excited to share it.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Process Equals Patience
This time last year, I was well into planning my wedding. I think by the time January rolled along, all we really needed to do was send the invitations, pick out the menu for dinner and prepare Dad to write the final checks.
We easily could have gotten married in February instead of April. But, we had to complete the "process" of planning the wedding. It was a six month process and it was painful. Not painful in that it was horrid. Painful in that I had no patience to complete the process. I wanted it to be a lot faster than it was. (Then again, I know some brides who say six months is too short! They'd prefer a longer process!!)
I've never been a very patient person. I like to have things done at a rapid speed. I've learned to become an efficient worker at a quick pace. People say you can learn to be patient, but I don't think that is true. I'm a few years away from 30 and if I don't have it now, not sure I will ever master the concept.
Well, here we are in another January and yet again, we are involved in another long process. This one is a big bigger than planning a wedding...which was huge by the way!! Don't get me wrong!
This process has more paperwork, more people involved and more on the line for us. This is one of those things where we need to be really patient with things. It is easy to get discouraged. Need to remind myself to be patient.
I'd like to think that this process is not a test of my patience, but more of a way to grow my patience well bigger. It hasn't yet...but here's to hoping, right?
Just be patient. It will all pan out.
My patience cup does not runneth over after my pep talks. Not one bit.
Nope. No patience. None.
Oh well. Maybe by the end of this process I will be a pro at patience. Maybe I will be able to give seminars on how to be patient? Maybe I will write a book? Maybe...you know, everything I am thinking of has a long process that is attached to it...
We easily could have gotten married in February instead of April. But, we had to complete the "process" of planning the wedding. It was a six month process and it was painful. Not painful in that it was horrid. Painful in that I had no patience to complete the process. I wanted it to be a lot faster than it was. (Then again, I know some brides who say six months is too short! They'd prefer a longer process!!)
I've never been a very patient person. I like to have things done at a rapid speed. I've learned to become an efficient worker at a quick pace. People say you can learn to be patient, but I don't think that is true. I'm a few years away from 30 and if I don't have it now, not sure I will ever master the concept.
Well, here we are in another January and yet again, we are involved in another long process. This one is a big bigger than planning a wedding...which was huge by the way!! Don't get me wrong!
This process has more paperwork, more people involved and more on the line for us. This is one of those things where we need to be really patient with things. It is easy to get discouraged. Need to remind myself to be patient.
I'd like to think that this process is not a test of my patience, but more of a way to grow my patience well bigger. It hasn't yet...but here's to hoping, right?
Just be patient. It will all pan out.
My patience cup does not runneth over after my pep talks. Not one bit.
Nope. No patience. None.
Oh well. Maybe by the end of this process I will be a pro at patience. Maybe I will be able to give seminars on how to be patient? Maybe I will write a book? Maybe...you know, everything I am thinking of has a long process that is attached to it...
Thursday, October 25, 2012
First Married Post?
I do believe it is. Sorry about that! We'v been married for 6 months and I haven't written a single thing.
Well, maybe that's not true. I've written in a journal once or twice.
Hence the blog makeover. I'm not trying to get published or even noticed in a Google search. I just like to write. And, sometimes, I will write a lot. Sometimes I won't write for, umm, 8 months.
So what have I done the past 8 months? Let me recap:
February, March and the first half of April were spent working on the final details of the wedding.
The wedding was at the end of April. I really loved the day itself. Really loved having family and friends in one place. Really loved how it all turned out. Then, really loved going on vacation right after.
Once we got back from the honeymoon, my summer at work really went into overdrive. We had events from May through July. That is pretty much how the summer was spent: Summer Camps, Vacation Bible School, and Volunteer Appreciation. Throw in a couple of swim parties, awards nights, and tons of planning meetings for fall 2012 and early 2013 and there is my summer.
My dad's entire side of the family (all 13 of us total!haha) went to Las Vegas in early August to celebrate my Grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary. Their actual anniversary was just before our wedding, this was the best time for all of us to get together to celebrate them. We had a great time there but don't think we will be going back. Unless you like to party and drink or unless you are super rich to go shopping, there isn't really much to do there...except walk up and down the strip. We did that a lot. People watching was a big thing to do as well.
September meant getting ready to go back to South Africa. I will write more about that later. The trip was from the end of September to almost the middle of October. I loved being back there. It is like a home away from home. The way we are treated by our hosts over there is just like family. I think the fact that we get to stay in the same place each year helps with that. Being familiar with your surroundings in an unfamiliar place helps make the long trip not so long.
Coming back and jumping into the middle of October means getting ready for our Fall Family Festival. I'm pretty pumped for this event. It is one of my favorites we do.
That is the past 8 months in a nutshell. Tonight is a quiet night at home, switching channels between the World Series and currently the final season of The Office.
I'm excited for things to slow down for us. Not that they ever really do, but we are learning to work with crazy schedules.
I'm excited to see where this new phase in life will take us and excited to see how much I will write about it...or not.
Well, maybe that's not true. I've written in a journal once or twice.
Hence the blog makeover. I'm not trying to get published or even noticed in a Google search. I just like to write. And, sometimes, I will write a lot. Sometimes I won't write for, umm, 8 months.
So what have I done the past 8 months? Let me recap:
February, March and the first half of April were spent working on the final details of the wedding.
The wedding was at the end of April. I really loved the day itself. Really loved having family and friends in one place. Really loved how it all turned out. Then, really loved going on vacation right after.
Once we got back from the honeymoon, my summer at work really went into overdrive. We had events from May through July. That is pretty much how the summer was spent: Summer Camps, Vacation Bible School, and Volunteer Appreciation. Throw in a couple of swim parties, awards nights, and tons of planning meetings for fall 2012 and early 2013 and there is my summer.
My dad's entire side of the family (all 13 of us total!haha) went to Las Vegas in early August to celebrate my Grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary. Their actual anniversary was just before our wedding, this was the best time for all of us to get together to celebrate them. We had a great time there but don't think we will be going back. Unless you like to party and drink or unless you are super rich to go shopping, there isn't really much to do there...except walk up and down the strip. We did that a lot. People watching was a big thing to do as well.
September meant getting ready to go back to South Africa. I will write more about that later. The trip was from the end of September to almost the middle of October. I loved being back there. It is like a home away from home. The way we are treated by our hosts over there is just like family. I think the fact that we get to stay in the same place each year helps with that. Being familiar with your surroundings in an unfamiliar place helps make the long trip not so long.
Coming back and jumping into the middle of October means getting ready for our Fall Family Festival. I'm pretty pumped for this event. It is one of my favorites we do.
That is the past 8 months in a nutshell. Tonight is a quiet night at home, switching channels between the World Series and currently the final season of The Office.
I'm excited for things to slow down for us. Not that they ever really do, but we are learning to work with crazy schedules.
I'm excited to see where this new phase in life will take us and excited to see how much I will write about it...or not.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Can't Sleep
It's 1:15am.
I cannot sleep. Not at all. I tried to go to sleep three hours ago but my body obviously decided it did not want or need the rest. Though my mind is begging me to attempt it again...
...or is it the other way around? Is my body begging my mind to try to fall asleep again?
I am not really sure.
What do I know at the moment? My stomach is growling like something fierce. I think I need a snack. But then comes the dilemma. If I eat, I will wake myself up more and possibly not sleep. However, if I do not eat, then I will soon lay here in the dark dwelling on how hungry I am and that I should go find a snack. That will also bring no sleep.
It is looking like a lose-lose situation with my stomach.
Maybe I can drink some water and that will satisfy...
I cannot sleep. Not at all. I tried to go to sleep three hours ago but my body obviously decided it did not want or need the rest. Though my mind is begging me to attempt it again...
...or is it the other way around? Is my body begging my mind to try to fall asleep again?
I am not really sure.
What do I know at the moment? My stomach is growling like something fierce. I think I need a snack. But then comes the dilemma. If I eat, I will wake myself up more and possibly not sleep. However, if I do not eat, then I will soon lay here in the dark dwelling on how hungry I am and that I should go find a snack. That will also bring no sleep.
It is looking like a lose-lose situation with my stomach.
Maybe I can drink some water and that will satisfy...
Friday, January 13, 2012
epic fail when it comes to blogging
it's true. the last time i blogged was in August 2011. here i am, Janaury 2012 and i haven't posted a single thing. no end of year reflection. no christmas blog. no new year's update. nothing.
zilch.
nada.
zero.
it's like i fell off the face of the earth. which, is in correct. because since that time, i have not only been on the face of the earth, but i traveled to the other side of it.
a lot has happened since the last time i posted. a few days after the post, hurricane irene slammed the eastern seaboard and caused some major flooding. that same weekend, my boyfriend's family came to visit. we enjoyed a lovely day at the pool while the coast was getting hit with the storm.
in september, i went to the dentist and had my teeth cleaned. not sure why it is blog worthy, but i have slacked off so much lately that i feel like i should just let you all know that my oral hygiene is still kept up.
on september 29th, i left to go to south africa for 14 days. i journaled while i was there. or, at least i tried to everyday. it was a trip that changed my life. even thinking about it now is bringing back tears. the people i worked with and the students i met are all extraordinary. it is rare that i use a word of that caliber, but it fits perfectly. soon, i will post about that trip. tonight i will only catch you up on life. and, i do promise that i will write about my trip. until then, here is a picture of me and some of the students i worked with...
i got back from south africa on october 12th. that was a wednesday. when i got home, around 11am, i went home to drop my stuff off, then went to have my first meal back on americian soil...taco bell...not my pick. but it was food and way better than airplane food. i went to work the next day 100% jet lagged. if you asked me anything about that day, i could not tell you much. i did, however, manage to get everything done that i needed to get done.
one thing i do remember is telling my boyfriend that i did not want to go walk around and give him a tour of a local church that i had interned at. that place is massive and being in the mental and physical state i was in, i was in no mood to go walk around that enormous building.
the day after that, my boyfriend and i hopped on his motorcycle to go look at the fall foliage in the mountains. the leaves are beautiful in the fall here. and they are even more beautiful when you are riding on the back of a motorcycle. the day was bright and sunny...but it was an illusion. it was also cold and windy. we both dressed in layers but it wasn't quite enough. but we ventured on. somewhere along the way, i lost my hair tie. made for quite the windy look. i decided that instead of dwelling on being cold, i would dwell on the fact that i lost my hair tie. i was still pretty tired from the plane ride home two days earlier so i figured i was justified in my thoughts.
we rode 2 1/2 hours up to the mountains. once we got onto the parkway, we stopped at the first lookout we saw. it was nice to stretch but it was cold and if we were going to be cold, i thought we should be cold and moving. not cold and standing around...
...well, lo and behold we were lingering in this spot for a reason....my boyfriend walked me down a path AND PROPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!
yup. that's right. he popped the question. now, by this time, most people reading this already know that we're engaged. but, like i said, this is an update of the last few months...
there is more to that story than i am posting. and i will fill you all in on the wedding details after the wedding. i don't want to give up all of my secrets before hand. i fully intend to chronicle the days leading up to my wedding on here as well as the things i learned along the way. hopefully it will help someone who reads it.
so now do you see why i haven't been blogging? i've been busy wedding planning. he proposed october 14th. we're getting married in april. that gave us 6 months to plan. i needed to get on the ball.
november flew by and in that month was my fiance's birthday. i was nervous about what to do for him. i mean, i've never had to plan something for a significant other's birthday...let alone for my fiance's birthday. i can plan parties (and weddings now!) like there is no tomorrow and they will be great. but when it comes to gift giving i freak out. i stress out over it way too much. so what did i do? went the simple route and we went to dinner at his favorite restaurant and saw a movie. i will have the rest of our lives to plan birthdays for him.
the day after his birthday, i woke up sick. the day after that i was beginning to lose my voice. the day after that i had no voice at all. i wanted some hot tea from starbucks that day. but had no way of ordering it. thankfully i had a small white board in my car. i wrote on it "hey, i lost my voice. could i please have a venti orange blossom tea? thanks!"
seriously, i did that. no shame. i thought it was pretty funny and brilliant.
anyway, i was sick until the first of the year.
christmas was great. again, first christmas i've had with a significant other. we had fun. he got me a mop as a gift. haven't used it yet. said i am going to wait until we're married.
the new year was celebrated at one of my best friend's house. i was surprised i didn't fall asleep shortly after midnight. nope, stayed up until 4:30am. yeah, i can't believe it either. then, i got up at 8something to go to church. no, i didn't fall asleep during the service if you're wondering. i did have a nice long nap that afternoon, though.
wedding planning after the new year has been kicked into high gear. all i have done the past 11 days has been devoted to the wedding. seriously, i don't think there is a day where i have not spent a little time working on stuff. i should keep a time sheet on it to see how much time i actually am putting into it.
my fiance and i met a year ago on the 10th. we had our first date a year ago on the 12th. that was yesterday. we went back to the place where we had that date. its a coffee shop just outside of a college campus. neat little place. it hasn't changed at all in the past year. but my life sure has. i went from walking into that shop last year not quite remembering the face of the guy i was meeting to walking into it this year with him and knowing he is the man i am going to spend the rest of my life with. pretty big change if you ask me. i think if you had asked me last year if i knew that he was "the one" i would have laughed and said "who knows. why are you trying to rush it?"
actually, i did say that to some people. guess they were right. i should tell them "thank you" for being right.
i think that leads me up to today. i've been sitting on the couch for several hours now working on wedding stuff. i took a break to go eat dinner with my brothers and had a great time with them. i've been back at it for 5 or 6 hours now. i decided it was time for a break.
i cannot say how much i will post in the next few months. but i will promise to post the things i wrote in south africa. and, once the wedding is over and things have settled, i will write about the process of planning this shindig. i would say it has been an "ordeal" but then i checked to see what the meaning of that word is and don't think it quite fits...
ordeal - noun
zilch.
nada.
zero.
it's like i fell off the face of the earth. which, is in correct. because since that time, i have not only been on the face of the earth, but i traveled to the other side of it.
a lot has happened since the last time i posted. a few days after the post, hurricane irene slammed the eastern seaboard and caused some major flooding. that same weekend, my boyfriend's family came to visit. we enjoyed a lovely day at the pool while the coast was getting hit with the storm.
in september, i went to the dentist and had my teeth cleaned. not sure why it is blog worthy, but i have slacked off so much lately that i feel like i should just let you all know that my oral hygiene is still kept up.
on september 29th, i left to go to south africa for 14 days. i journaled while i was there. or, at least i tried to everyday. it was a trip that changed my life. even thinking about it now is bringing back tears. the people i worked with and the students i met are all extraordinary. it is rare that i use a word of that caliber, but it fits perfectly. soon, i will post about that trip. tonight i will only catch you up on life. and, i do promise that i will write about my trip. until then, here is a picture of me and some of the students i worked with...
i got back from south africa on october 12th. that was a wednesday. when i got home, around 11am, i went home to drop my stuff off, then went to have my first meal back on americian soil...taco bell...not my pick. but it was food and way better than airplane food. i went to work the next day 100% jet lagged. if you asked me anything about that day, i could not tell you much. i did, however, manage to get everything done that i needed to get done.
one thing i do remember is telling my boyfriend that i did not want to go walk around and give him a tour of a local church that i had interned at. that place is massive and being in the mental and physical state i was in, i was in no mood to go walk around that enormous building.
the day after that, my boyfriend and i hopped on his motorcycle to go look at the fall foliage in the mountains. the leaves are beautiful in the fall here. and they are even more beautiful when you are riding on the back of a motorcycle. the day was bright and sunny...but it was an illusion. it was also cold and windy. we both dressed in layers but it wasn't quite enough. but we ventured on. somewhere along the way, i lost my hair tie. made for quite the windy look. i decided that instead of dwelling on being cold, i would dwell on the fact that i lost my hair tie. i was still pretty tired from the plane ride home two days earlier so i figured i was justified in my thoughts.
we rode 2 1/2 hours up to the mountains. once we got onto the parkway, we stopped at the first lookout we saw. it was nice to stretch but it was cold and if we were going to be cold, i thought we should be cold and moving. not cold and standing around...
...well, lo and behold we were lingering in this spot for a reason....my boyfriend walked me down a path AND PROPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!
yup. that's right. he popped the question. now, by this time, most people reading this already know that we're engaged. but, like i said, this is an update of the last few months...
there is more to that story than i am posting. and i will fill you all in on the wedding details after the wedding. i don't want to give up all of my secrets before hand. i fully intend to chronicle the days leading up to my wedding on here as well as the things i learned along the way. hopefully it will help someone who reads it.
so now do you see why i haven't been blogging? i've been busy wedding planning. he proposed october 14th. we're getting married in april. that gave us 6 months to plan. i needed to get on the ball.
november flew by and in that month was my fiance's birthday. i was nervous about what to do for him. i mean, i've never had to plan something for a significant other's birthday...let alone for my fiance's birthday. i can plan parties (and weddings now!) like there is no tomorrow and they will be great. but when it comes to gift giving i freak out. i stress out over it way too much. so what did i do? went the simple route and we went to dinner at his favorite restaurant and saw a movie. i will have the rest of our lives to plan birthdays for him.
the day after his birthday, i woke up sick. the day after that i was beginning to lose my voice. the day after that i had no voice at all. i wanted some hot tea from starbucks that day. but had no way of ordering it. thankfully i had a small white board in my car. i wrote on it "hey, i lost my voice. could i please have a venti orange blossom tea? thanks!"
seriously, i did that. no shame. i thought it was pretty funny and brilliant.
anyway, i was sick until the first of the year.
christmas was great. again, first christmas i've had with a significant other. we had fun. he got me a mop as a gift. haven't used it yet. said i am going to wait until we're married.
the new year was celebrated at one of my best friend's house. i was surprised i didn't fall asleep shortly after midnight. nope, stayed up until 4:30am. yeah, i can't believe it either. then, i got up at 8something to go to church. no, i didn't fall asleep during the service if you're wondering. i did have a nice long nap that afternoon, though.
wedding planning after the new year has been kicked into high gear. all i have done the past 11 days has been devoted to the wedding. seriously, i don't think there is a day where i have not spent a little time working on stuff. i should keep a time sheet on it to see how much time i actually am putting into it.
my fiance and i met a year ago on the 10th. we had our first date a year ago on the 12th. that was yesterday. we went back to the place where we had that date. its a coffee shop just outside of a college campus. neat little place. it hasn't changed at all in the past year. but my life sure has. i went from walking into that shop last year not quite remembering the face of the guy i was meeting to walking into it this year with him and knowing he is the man i am going to spend the rest of my life with. pretty big change if you ask me. i think if you had asked me last year if i knew that he was "the one" i would have laughed and said "who knows. why are you trying to rush it?"
actually, i did say that to some people. guess they were right. i should tell them "thank you" for being right.
i think that leads me up to today. i've been sitting on the couch for several hours now working on wedding stuff. i took a break to go eat dinner with my brothers and had a great time with them. i've been back at it for 5 or 6 hours now. i decided it was time for a break.
i cannot say how much i will post in the next few months. but i will promise to post the things i wrote in south africa. and, once the wedding is over and things have settled, i will write about the process of planning this shindig. i would say it has been an "ordeal" but then i checked to see what the meaning of that word is and don't think it quite fits...
ordeal - noun
- A painful or horrific experience, esp. a protracted one.
- An ancient test of guilt or innocence by subjection of the accused to severe pain, survival of which was taken as divine proof of innocence. (source:google)
i don't think it is painful or horrific. though i may think it has had its moments. as for the second definition, well, i don't think it is that either. wedding planning is something ancient, though.
oh well. it has been an experience. and i will share it with you all once i am done with it.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Time to Share
A couple of years ago, I was asked to speak to a class of 6th-8th Grade girls about purity. It was supposed to be just a couple of minutes to pop into their class and tell them to save themselves for their husband, not to dress so revealing, and to think how God would want them to think. But it turned out to be so much more than that. I talked for a bit then opened it up for questions. What resulted was a lengthy discussion about things that would make one blush. Those girls, who are in middle school, were talking and asking questions about stuff that I didn't have to deal with until I was an adult. I left with a pit in my stomach. I met some friends for dinner after and I couldn't eat. The discussion affected me that much. Something was stirring deep within me. I didn't know what it was exactly, but I knew that I needed to do something for those girls.
About a year later, I was involved in working with refugees and international high school students. For 5 days over the summer of 2010, we took those students to summer camp. Being around those kids and hearing their stories also affected me. That fall, I heard the story of a 16 year old girl who just came to the States. Her family had been here for a few years and they had been patiently waiting for her. While talking with one of her sponsors about how to introduce her to life in the States, we began talking about her self worth. Not to us, but to herself. Things she experienced while waiting to come here I do not want to repeat. One can only imagine how her self worth had been annihilated.
Most teenage girls I've met have had self issues. It is apart of growing up. After hearing the stories of the international girls and talking with those middle school girls, I knew what I needed to do. I turned to one of the things I love the most, writing. I bought a purple composition book and began to write. This book is being filled with things I have learned in my life about self worth, self confidence, and other things that girls struggle with. It isn't anything spectacular and by no means it is edited and finished. But it is there.
There are several books, websites, and tools out there for girls to look at. And while I'm not sure what sets this one apart, I think it's time I started sharing it with people...
November 29, 2010
Love. What is it? What does it mean? It is a word that means so much, has so much depth and meaning, yet it is used to describe the most mundane things.
"I love pizza."
"I love these shoes."
"I love this book."
The word "love" means "passionate". "Passionate" means to "have strong feeling or ruled by intense emotion." (dictionary.com)
...It is quite possible to have an intense emotion for pizza, but it could also be heartburn....
I use the word "love" all the time. I have a great love for ham and pineapple pizza with extra sauce. I tell my pizza that right before I eat the entire thing. I do not use the word "love", however, when I'm talking to other people.
What do I mean, exactly? Well, it took me two years before I said "I love you" to my best friend. When I'm dating a guy seriously, I don't say it unless I know I mean it. I've had it said to me a few times before, but it wasn't love they were feeling. I haven't said it to a guy yet (well, not in a romantic way. I've said it to friends before...but still, it took me a while). I don't take the decision to love someone lightly. It's a pretty big thing to love someone outside of your family. I'm not so sure how serious this concept/decision/choice is taken any more.
It did get me thinking, though, how often do I tell myself that I love me?
The answer? Never.
Or at least not often enough for me to remember. And then, it hit me. How can I love others if I don't love myself? How can I understand this important decision when I can't decide whether or not I love myself? All of that got me to thinking about body image, how I present myself, and how I interact with others. Then, all of that got me thinking that if I'm thinking about these things that other chicks must be as well. It also reminded me of when I was younger and thought about stuff like this. I'm the oldest child. I have a great relationship with my mom but I couldn't or more, I sometimes felt like I could talk to her about certain things. I have some amazing aunts, but they lived 3,000 miles away. We didn't have Google and chat rooms and message boards were "scary" places.
So, what did I do? Try to figure it out myself. I would have loved to had a girl in her 20s to talk to.
Well, now I'm the girl in her 20s. I talk to girls all the time about things they aren't comfortable talking to their moms about. Don't get me wrong, I strongly advocate talking to your parents. But I totally understand that sometimes it's pretty embarrassing. I figured I should write it all down in one place.
So, here I go. The following pages are going to be filled with my thoughts, favorite quotes, verses, stories, songs, books. You name it, I will put it in here.
It's worth it.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
Part One: I love ME!!!
The older I get, the cooler I think I am. Seriously, every year I get more vain. I fall more and more in love with myself all the time.
Now, don't confuse me for being narcissistic. There is a difference. In Greek mythology, they tell the story of Narcissus. He was so beautiful that he was told not to look at his reflection. He was suppose to love this other person, but didn't. He decided to gaze upon himself. He gazed so much that he fell in love with himself and eventually died. I am not that way.
What I mean is that I'm constantly finding something new and exciting out about myself. It not only makes life really fun to live but I'm also learning that I can do so many different things!
I wasn't always like this. Typical right? Probably.
My life has always had some flare to it. I've always been the life of the party and a COA (center of attention). As a child, I was loud, probably obnoxious, and knew it all. I was writing and directing sketches and choreographing dances constantly. I was very comfortable with who I was. That's what you're suppose to do as a kid. But, when I was 12, we moved across the country. My world changed completely. I was living somewhere completely different, they talked funny, and I had to make new friends. This was a lot. Especially with painful growth spurts, molars coming in crooked, and hitting puberty. I was going from cute kid to awkward teen in a whole new surrounding. And it sucked.
Hello Geekdom
"Lanky" was my new favorite word. It described me perfectly:
Ungracefully thin and rawboned; bony" (dictionary.com)
Ungraceful? Check.
Thin? Check.
Bony? Check.
Ages 12 and 13 meant people thought I was 15 and played basketball since I was so tall. I didn't. Remember the ungraceful part? A friend once told me it was painful to watch me run.
This age also brought on braces. The dentist looked at my teeth and said "yep, you need braces." I wanted to ask if he really got paid to make such profound observations. I had an overcrowding problem. The orthodontist told me something I'd never heard before: I had a small mouth. So small, in fact, that I had 4 teeth pulled. Then, when my wisdom teeth came in a few years later, they pulled them as well. That's 8 teeth!!
I wore braces for 3 years, 2 months, and 5 days. That would have been from the beginning of 9th grade to the beginning of 11th grade. And I got glasses the fall of my 9th grade year as well. Not a new thing, I had been in and out of them my whole life.
But still, I was now a total geek...
About a year later, I was involved in working with refugees and international high school students. For 5 days over the summer of 2010, we took those students to summer camp. Being around those kids and hearing their stories also affected me. That fall, I heard the story of a 16 year old girl who just came to the States. Her family had been here for a few years and they had been patiently waiting for her. While talking with one of her sponsors about how to introduce her to life in the States, we began talking about her self worth. Not to us, but to herself. Things she experienced while waiting to come here I do not want to repeat. One can only imagine how her self worth had been annihilated.
Most teenage girls I've met have had self issues. It is apart of growing up. After hearing the stories of the international girls and talking with those middle school girls, I knew what I needed to do. I turned to one of the things I love the most, writing. I bought a purple composition book and began to write. This book is being filled with things I have learned in my life about self worth, self confidence, and other things that girls struggle with. It isn't anything spectacular and by no means it is edited and finished. But it is there.
There are several books, websites, and tools out there for girls to look at. And while I'm not sure what sets this one apart, I think it's time I started sharing it with people...
November 29, 2010
Love. What is it? What does it mean? It is a word that means so much, has so much depth and meaning, yet it is used to describe the most mundane things.
"I love pizza."
"I love these shoes."
"I love this book."
The word "love" means "passionate". "Passionate" means to "have strong feeling or ruled by intense emotion." (dictionary.com)
...It is quite possible to have an intense emotion for pizza, but it could also be heartburn....
I use the word "love" all the time. I have a great love for ham and pineapple pizza with extra sauce. I tell my pizza that right before I eat the entire thing. I do not use the word "love", however, when I'm talking to other people.
What do I mean, exactly? Well, it took me two years before I said "I love you" to my best friend. When I'm dating a guy seriously, I don't say it unless I know I mean it. I've had it said to me a few times before, but it wasn't love they were feeling. I haven't said it to a guy yet (well, not in a romantic way. I've said it to friends before...but still, it took me a while). I don't take the decision to love someone lightly. It's a pretty big thing to love someone outside of your family. I'm not so sure how serious this concept/decision/choice is taken any more.
It did get me thinking, though, how often do I tell myself that I love me?
The answer? Never.
Or at least not often enough for me to remember. And then, it hit me. How can I love others if I don't love myself? How can I understand this important decision when I can't decide whether or not I love myself? All of that got me to thinking about body image, how I present myself, and how I interact with others. Then, all of that got me thinking that if I'm thinking about these things that other chicks must be as well. It also reminded me of when I was younger and thought about stuff like this. I'm the oldest child. I have a great relationship with my mom but I couldn't or more, I sometimes felt like I could talk to her about certain things. I have some amazing aunts, but they lived 3,000 miles away. We didn't have Google and chat rooms and message boards were "scary" places.
So, what did I do? Try to figure it out myself. I would have loved to had a girl in her 20s to talk to.
Well, now I'm the girl in her 20s. I talk to girls all the time about things they aren't comfortable talking to their moms about. Don't get me wrong, I strongly advocate talking to your parents. But I totally understand that sometimes it's pretty embarrassing. I figured I should write it all down in one place.
So, here I go. The following pages are going to be filled with my thoughts, favorite quotes, verses, stories, songs, books. You name it, I will put it in here.
It's worth it.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
Part One: I love ME!!!
The older I get, the cooler I think I am. Seriously, every year I get more vain. I fall more and more in love with myself all the time.
Now, don't confuse me for being narcissistic. There is a difference. In Greek mythology, they tell the story of Narcissus. He was so beautiful that he was told not to look at his reflection. He was suppose to love this other person, but didn't. He decided to gaze upon himself. He gazed so much that he fell in love with himself and eventually died. I am not that way.
What I mean is that I'm constantly finding something new and exciting out about myself. It not only makes life really fun to live but I'm also learning that I can do so many different things!
I wasn't always like this. Typical right? Probably.
My life has always had some flare to it. I've always been the life of the party and a COA (center of attention). As a child, I was loud, probably obnoxious, and knew it all. I was writing and directing sketches and choreographing dances constantly. I was very comfortable with who I was. That's what you're suppose to do as a kid. But, when I was 12, we moved across the country. My world changed completely. I was living somewhere completely different, they talked funny, and I had to make new friends. This was a lot. Especially with painful growth spurts, molars coming in crooked, and hitting puberty. I was going from cute kid to awkward teen in a whole new surrounding. And it sucked.
Hello Geekdom
"Lanky" was my new favorite word. It described me perfectly:
Ungracefully thin and rawboned; bony" (dictionary.com)
Ungraceful? Check.
Thin? Check.
Bony? Check.
Ages 12 and 13 meant people thought I was 15 and played basketball since I was so tall. I didn't. Remember the ungraceful part? A friend once told me it was painful to watch me run.
This age also brought on braces. The dentist looked at my teeth and said "yep, you need braces." I wanted to ask if he really got paid to make such profound observations. I had an overcrowding problem. The orthodontist told me something I'd never heard before: I had a small mouth. So small, in fact, that I had 4 teeth pulled. Then, when my wisdom teeth came in a few years later, they pulled them as well. That's 8 teeth!!
I wore braces for 3 years, 2 months, and 5 days. That would have been from the beginning of 9th grade to the beginning of 11th grade. And I got glasses the fall of my 9th grade year as well. Not a new thing, I had been in and out of them my whole life.
But still, I was now a total geek...
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Life Moves
August started with a bang. Seriously, August 1st was one of the toughest days I have experienced in my life.
We put my dog, Abby, down.
I got Abby for my 13th birthday when she was 4 months old. I had her for 12 1/2 years. I knew this day would eventually come. Abby always had problems. One of the funnier ones was that the vet wanted to give her braces to fix her teeth because she had too many for her mouth. We opted just to pull the teeth. (Funny thing about that was that it was around the same time I got my braces...for the same problem. I had too many teeth for my mouth!) I could go on and list her problems, but there is no point. She had several issues and my parents decided it was time. I agreed. Though, as much as I cried over the matter, one could beg to differ. I had been preparing myself for this day for about a year. And if it didn't happen now, it would be in 6 months or a year. The vet said that most people actually wait too long, because they're selfish and can't let go. He said that we did the right thing by doing it now. She was in pain and pretty miserable but had we held on longer, she would have suffered more. I didn't want that to happen.
I think I'm better now. I cried the weekend before it happened, the day of, and a couple of days after. But life moved on. Though, every time I hear a dog story....you know, those ones where the dog was faithful to the end...I tear up. I'm crying now. It hasn't been that long since it happened. Someone asked me if I was ready for another dog a day or so later and I adamantly said I was not. Yes, I will get another dog one day. But not now. Someday, though. I miss my girl. She was a great dog
We put my dog, Abby, down.
I got Abby for my 13th birthday when she was 4 months old. I had her for 12 1/2 years. I knew this day would eventually come. Abby always had problems. One of the funnier ones was that the vet wanted to give her braces to fix her teeth because she had too many for her mouth. We opted just to pull the teeth. (Funny thing about that was that it was around the same time I got my braces...for the same problem. I had too many teeth for my mouth!) I could go on and list her problems, but there is no point. She had several issues and my parents decided it was time. I agreed. Though, as much as I cried over the matter, one could beg to differ. I had been preparing myself for this day for about a year. And if it didn't happen now, it would be in 6 months or a year. The vet said that most people actually wait too long, because they're selfish and can't let go. He said that we did the right thing by doing it now. She was in pain and pretty miserable but had we held on longer, she would have suffered more. I didn't want that to happen.
I think I'm better now. I cried the weekend before it happened, the day of, and a couple of days after. But life moved on. Though, every time I hear a dog story....you know, those ones where the dog was faithful to the end...I tear up. I'm crying now. It hasn't been that long since it happened. Someone asked me if I was ready for another dog a day or so later and I adamantly said I was not. Yes, I will get another dog one day. But not now. Someday, though. I miss my girl. She was a great dog
It occurred to me, in the midst of my crying that weekend, that I had not cried this hard since last August, when my Great-Grandmother passed away. Again, it was something the family had known was coming. For me, I was 3,000 miles away from her and hadn't seen her in almost 3 years so it was especially difficult. On the anniversary of her death, I was with family. We were not celebrating her life, however. We were celebrating something that was coming up...
...On the 14th, my sister got married. She was the absolute most gorgeous bride I have ever seen. Seriously, she rivaled any bride I have seen in a magazine. Words do not describe how she looked.
The day was exciting, of course, but added elements like the weather, made it more exciting. The ceremony was outside but there were a threat of storms. Not just our typical mid-summer storm but a tornado and hail producing storm. There was a lot of praying that day. Even as I was walking down the aisle to take my place as a bridesmaid the sky was growing dark and the wind was picking up. I prayed the whole time during my walk. Then during the ceremony, a gust came through and I thought the flowers on a pillar beside me were going to crash to the ground. They didn't and I'm glad because I would have busted out laughing. At the end of the ceremony, and this is the best part, right as Pastor said " you may kiss your bride" the skies opened up and the sun shone down on the happy couple. It stayed until they were announced as Mr. and Mrs. Then as soon as they got out of sight, the clouds came back and the sky turned gray again. The rain stayed away until everyone was inside at the reception. Then, the storm came and they had the best fireworks show I've ever seen. The lightening was going across the sky. It was horizontal not vertical like you're used to seeing. It was pretty spectacular.
This month started rough. Very rough. But life moves on. While I lost a dear friend, I was also able to see my sister start a life with her best friend. Those are both days I will never forget. Totally different in every way. But both left the same, lasting impression.
Life moves on. Each day brings something new. This quote sums up how I've felt thus far this month. I like it, though, I'm not sure who said it and neither is Google...
Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
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