relationships

thought: relationships are a funny thing

relationships. we can't live with them and we can't live without them. funny right? i think so. when writing, relationships are the main thing i write about. not only guy/girl relationships but family and friend relationships. very interesting stuff.

recently, i decided that i should write a book...but then again, who doesn't want to write a book, play, novel, screen play, blah blah blah. my book is going to be better though (HA!). seriously. it's going to be about relationships. i based my opinion on the fact that people ask me for relationship advice (or maybe i am giving it freely?). i came to this conclusion one night after talking to a friend for a while about a guy that she really enjoys being around. when i walked through the door of my house i laughed and proclaimed that i was going to write a book about relationships. one member of my family, as dry and flat as can be, said right back to me "well that's funny considering that you aren't in one." you may think that sounds harsh, but the delivery was hysterical! i've found that several relationship books (about dating) are written by single people. why? i don't know...but i can tell you why i'd do it.

i am a people watcher. i fully enjoy watching people interact with each other. seeing responses to actions is very exciting. you may think it sounds dull. maybe it is something i acquired? you see, i have had some assignments which require me to watch people and write a character sketch of them. been doing this since high school. go somewhere, watch a person and write down everything they do. sounds sketchy right? it probably is, but if you're good at it, then you can get some pretty amazing stuff like speech patterns or specific phrases. maybe even the way a person walks. great stuff!

so how does this play into my relationship book? well, with all of the lists out there about "50 things every guy should do for their girl" or "63 things every man loves" combined with people watching, i think i could have a new york times best seller. and so far, i haven't steered any one wrong when they ask (or i give!) my opinions. now, if they choose not to listen, well, that's a different story. haha.

really though, it just takes common sense. having read several of these lists and other books that is the biggest thing i've learned. what are the major keys to making something work? i will give them to you....(even if you didn't ask for it)

• be your self - this is the most important. don't change for the person you are trying to impress/get to like or notice you. it's a turn off. big time.
• don't talk so much - remember to listen...actively. girls like to talk and most guys will tune out. so give and take people. girls don't talk so much and guys listen when she does.
• stay away from talking about your exes - not a cool thing. no one wants to hear you talk about how you got dissed by the last person you dated...or how you dissed them. it's just a bad thing.
• did i mention being yourself? really. be confident and who you are around your friends...unless of course, you are still trying to figure out who you are. in which case, you probably should not be thinking about dating. seriously. that is a whole other blog....

granted, it's not as simple as this, but these are some really good foundations. respect and trust play big in to relationships...but those are built by getting to know someone and you get to know someone by being yourself. which brings up the one thing that plagues my mind. how is it that people who are so confident and know who they are are not in a relationship? i see this a lot. drives me crazy and my friends and i talk about it frequently. maybe when i figure that out, i will publish my book and make millions.....

......or maybe not.

writing a book is definitely a pipe dream. i tend to have several of those.

i can feel the rambling mode coming on...though, i'm sure i've already begun that.

more about this topic later. i will collect my thoughts and maybe have a better format.

Summers in the South

thought: something that once scared the junk out of me is now one of the things i love in life

living in the South, i have the chance to experience something called "lightening storms" or "heat lightening". they only happen in the summer when it's hot and muggy. driving home tonight, the sky was clear on one side of me then on the other, it was cloudy and there was flashes of lightening in the clouds.

as a child i was afraid of lightening, thunder, and wind storms. now though, i love sitting on the porch and watching the lightening. the rain isn't so bad either. growing up the the Pacific Northwest, it rained all the time so when it rains, it wasn't so much of a novelty when i first moved here...until the last few summers. i love listening to the rain, especially at night. or, waking up in the morning to the rain is really cool. my favorite though, is a thunder storm in the morning. it doesn't happen often, but it is pretty neat to wake up with the thunder rolling and lightening flashing.

so yeah, driving home tonight with my windows down and radio blasting was great stuff. the breeze was perfect too. if only i could have been on the high way on my way to the beach! those are the best times...being on the beach at night when there is lightening out over the ocean, the breeze is just right and the tide is rolling in. oh yes, that is the best. nothing to be afraid of there...except for getting struck by lightening or a sudden tidal wave...which is still a cool thing to see...unless it destroys your home....

wow, where did that come from? oh yeah, my bad attempt of trying to be funny...my joke telling skills need some improvement...

but back to the lightening and storms and stuff. they are so amazing to watch. like i said before, i used to be afraid of them...i used to be afraid of a lot of things. but then i realized that i had no need to be afraid of them. so i began to watch them and by watching them, i fell in love. summers in the South are some of the greatest. yes, it is humid and there are bugs, but those are nothing compared to the awesomeness of seeing a storm.

plus, storms are another way the Lord shows Himself through creation!

last year

thought: where do the years go?

one year ago today, something pretty significant happened. someone decided to take an opportunity.

the past few days i've thought a lot about this. i've thought about how much i've changed since then...good change? bad change? depends on who you ask i guess.

i can't believe it's been a year. i don't remember all of the details of that day, but i do remember a few brief moments.

crazy stuff.

sometimes i wish i could forget it...but then again, i wouldn't give my memory up for anything in the world. maybe i will write about some of this one day and publish it. ha. that would be a trip.

where has the past year gone? into my personal history book. i will say it again, it was the year that totally defined who i am. i meet more people, took more risks, and faced a lot of things that could have taken me down.

but here i am, reminiscing...and smiling. it was a good year.

.....the song playing right now is "you raise me up"....the selah version...sums me up right about now. the Lord has definitely raised me up to be more than i can be. without Him, who knows where i would be at this moment......

i guess it is true, the older you get the faster the years fly by.

opportunities

thought: some times in life we have an opportunity to do something that will change us forever.

...there are times in life when we are given an opportunity to do something that will completely change some portion of our lives forever. there are times when we decided to take that opportunity and there are times when we don't take it, either because we are afraid or there is a circumstance that doesn't allow us to seize the opportunity.

this blog has been sirring in me for a while and i haven't sat down and written it. it has been written and re-written hundreds of times in my mind. each time it began and ended different. every combination of the blog was thought of and i finally decided just to sit down and write. the direction is still unknown.

what is known, however, is that one year ago i was in an interesting situation. some would think that my heart was broken, but it wasn't. i was just angry. what happened was nothing major. but it was the result of seizing an opportunity. i decided to take a risk and step out of my norm. i'm glad i did, don't get me wrong. the anger and tears were a part of the risk. would i do it again? absolutely.

as this was happening someone else had decided to seize an opportunity. in a few days, it will be one year since this person made the decision to seize an opportunity. an opportunity that definitely changed me.

i didn't see this coming and i later found out that it took a long time to make the decision to do it. but when it did, i made a decision to react and again step out of my comfort zone. i jumped into something that i thought i understood. while this decision was something that again, i don't regret, i may have changed some of the things that happened within the situation.

both of those are things that definitely changed who i am. they shaped me and taught me things about others...but mainly i learned more about myself. though it hurt at times and tears were shed, i wouldn't take them back or ask for a "do over".

here recently, another opportunity was "missed" you could say. while on a recent vacation, there were some opportunities for me to meet new people. one of them, i didn't take. i'm chicken. really, i mean it. meeting new people, especially those of the opposite sex terrifies me sometimes. i get nervous, stutter, sweaty palms...it's bad stuff. so there i was, had an opportunity and i didn't take it...but that is totally fine because i did make a new friend...well actually 3 new friends....still though, one of guys was very cool and pretty good looking. i won't deny it! but it wasn't until after the vacation that we really clicked. did we miss an opportunity while on the boat? i don't think so. they ("they" being the experts!) say that to really get to know someone you should watch them interact with their friends. that is totally what happened. so while there wasn't a romantic walk on the beach or on the boat at sunset, there were several hours of laughter and lots of memories made. that is worth way more than being romantic....right?

sure, but i'm a girl and sometimes i can't help to think how neat it would have been to say that i had a romantic walk with a guy....they don't write this stuff in real life. it would have been a fairy tale....

...wait, i've been in those situations before. where the whole thing seemed too good to be true and it was like a fairy tale. or what about the one where it was like something you'd see in a move? no thank you. i would much rather stick with the real life, lets laugh and make jokes, eat pizza and have fun relationship.

so, opportunities....take them. you never know what will happen. the risk may be great and it may hurt for a while. but the pain will go away and something else will come along. or, it could be the best thing to ever happen to you. who knows? just go for it.

sometimes you should sweat the small stuff

NOTE: this was written April 30, 2009. For some reason, I saved it as a draft. I was going to come back and finish it but I don't remember what else i was going to say! So here it is, actually posted on June 6th.

thought: one seemingly insignificant moment can change your life forever.



i wrote yesterday about choices and how they not only affect the person making the choice but those around that person. today i was thinking about moments and how even the most minute events can sometimes have the largest affect.

what are some of these things?

hitting car brakes too fast..or too slow
not smiling at the grocery store clerk. or for that matter being a plain jerk to them.
not saying good-bye
saying "i love you"
saying "i love you" too soon or too late
having a slight pain and not going to the doctor
falling down
giving a child a hug
helping those around you with simple tasks, like getting something from the top shelf



i think the point is proven. it's the small stuff that sometimes counts the most. though, that does contradict that saying "don't sweat the small stuff". i think there are times when that is applicable.

i don't want to go cliche' and say to live every moment as if it were your last. but i think that we all could me more conscious about things...just like with our decisions. if we all were a bit more conscious i think some small improvements would start being made. they may not be seen in my generation but maybe, one day my children will live in a better world.



...perfect example.....my family recycles. mom recently told us though that she doesn't recycle for her, dad, or even us kids, but she is thinking about her grand kids. she recycles for them. it is something so small and simple that it is almost stupid...but it is making an impact.



so, dare i say "dear reader"?...no....so, make every moment count and don't forget to laugh when its time to laugh...even when it isn't time to laugh, do it anyway. and cry when it's time to cry...happy tears, sad tears, whatever. just live your life. you never know when you may end up unable to do the simple things like open a water bottle or tie your shoe..heck, you never know when you may end up in a situation where you are unable to speak or talk.



like that popular phrase says "live. laugh. love." and remember that sometimes it is alright to unconsciously sweat the small stuff.

quotes

thought: am i living in the past, present or future?



i have many e-mail addresses. one of them is an account used for school. on the homepage, we get a quote of the day. this is today's quote:

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing. - R. D. Laing

according to wikipedia, he was a Scottish psychiatrist who wrote on mental illness. but you cannot believe everything you see on there.

anyway, am i living for today, tomorrow, or yesterday? or what about this question? am i living for heaven here on earth or am i only looking forward to it once i die and get there?

time goes by fast and each decision made should be looked at as the most important one you make. the outcome could be either good or bad. simple as that right? there is no gray...only black and white. unfortunately it seems like more and more gray is becoming the norm. black and white are running together to make way for a bland color with no definition or brightness. i think it's sad. where have the absolutes gone?

that being said, i am going to work on making all of my decisions count.....

(I am going to also take this time to let you know that the colonoscopy sweepstakes commercial is on again)

....each time i am about to decided on something i am going to take the time to think about who is going to be affected by that decision. will it be good or bad? how will their outcome affect me? another thing to think about is how is it going to affect me? sometimes i make decisions where the outcome will be for the better of the other person and will place me on the out and out. i would hope that people would think like me and do the same thing so that i could benefit. i am learning that the world does not think like i do. harsh reality? nah. quite the learning experience.

i was watching one of my favorite shows last night, my boys. in it, the main character PJ (a girl) made a bet with her best friend Brenden. she was going to make all of his choices for an entire week and at the end they were going to see if his quality of life improved. throughout the show, the choices PJ makes do improve Brenden's life. at the end of the show, however, he runs off with some chick and comes back having almost died or something. he says that making that decision was the best one of his life...or something to that affect.

goes to prove that right choices for some people are only right for them.

so how do i make my choices count? in this world where black and white are turning into gray, it is hard to walk that line between doing what you think is right and sharing your opinions and stuffing your opinions down peoples throats. i am not sure that i can do much to impact the world. but i can start with those around me. i can choose to make decisions that count and to be a woman of integrity. that is my life's goal at 23 years of age.

with that, i am off to make choices that will change me. change my friends. change my work...church...school...city...well, i don't want to get too big but maybe something small that i do will change the world.

and yes, i recently had a birthday. it was nice. i didn't make a big deal out of anything. it was a great day.

i'm not too great at this

Thought: I really should blog more.

there is a commercial out there, Nationwide Insurance I think, it says that life comes at you fast. they could not be more right. life has been coming at me fast. i hadn't realized that it has been over a month since i last updated. it's not that i have been avoiding the blog but i have been in the fast lane of life. my fast lane is a bit different than the one described by the Eagles in their song "life in the fast lane". my fast lane is an 80mph only lane full of writing papers, reading books about things of the past, and working. what isn't taken up by those things is spent hanging out with my friends or at home...doing nothing...except reading more...and that is usually the books i should be reading for school. i am finding that i want to spend more and more time at home just relaxing.

i think it's a sign of old age...except for the fact that i am not old enough to say that. there are days, however, that my brain and body will beg to differ. a few weeks ago, for example, i went to around 8pm. actually it was more like i fell asleep watching "Casablanca". but in my defense, i know of a few other people who did the same thing that weekend.

this past weekend on the other hand is a different story. i was definitely asleep by 8:30pm friday night and i slept until 10:30am saturday...after my alarm went off at the usual time for work! i then spent the remainder of saturday either sleeping or reading...gosh i sound like a bum!

oh well, what can ya do?

right? i mean, i should be in my "prime" right now...shouldn't i? according to society i should. but then again, isn't 30 the new 20? or is it the other way around? the point i am trying to make is that people are acting younger and younger for their age. thank you MTV, Vh1, and all of those reality shows. granted, a guilty pleasure for me is watching cheesy reality shows because i get a kick out of the scripted moments and voice overs that make you think they are happening at that exact moment....yes, i analyze them. it it highly entertaining.

what was my point again? life grabs you by the horns? no, that is a dodge commercial...oh yes, life comes at you fast...which come to think of it, is an Allstate thing not Nationwide. oh well, that is what google is for.

life comes at you fast. am i prepared? sure....i think. to be even more prepared i am finding that i should do more and more like i did the past few weekends. relax and take care of myself. both things that i hardly ever do. i have a tenancy to take care of other people and to always be on the run. while it is fun, it is fun for only a little bit. i am quickly realizing that i cannot do this forever. there are other things more important than being the social butterfly of every event.

speaking of being the social butterfly, thursday night, i bounced around between some friends houses and birthday parties. it was a lot of fun and i definitely felt like my "old" self...you know, the social butterfly who is always bubbly, laughing, and some how in the center of every conversation (how that happens i don't quite know, but i am taking notes on myself to figure out how i do it...fun stuff!). thursday night i donned a ball cap and was off to grab some coffee, play rock band, and wish a friend "happy birthday". it was great. i saw several of my friends and a few who i haven't seen in a while. i loved it.

then come friday and saturday. we already know what i did then.

come sunday. saw more people i hadn't seen in a while and then....

......i need to stop and say that CBS is having a colonoscopy sweepstakes. they are giving one lucky winner a free colonoscopy and a nights stay in some fancy hotel...at least i think that is what the ad said. i was too shocked by the "colonoscopy sweepstakes" part that i lost the rest of the ad.

wow. anyway. welcome back....

sunday, i saw more old friends and had an amazing day. that night i was with tons of people my own age and i was being "myself". what does that mean? simply put: i was cracking corny jokes and laughing a lot...but not at my own jokes, i won't fall that low :D

so, when life comes at me fast what do i do? kick back for a coupla days and then jump back in. i cannot be in the slow lane for long. i get bored and find that i am longing to be back in the other lane pressing the accelerator to the floor.

no matter which lane i am in though, i should keep the blog updated. i constantly come across things that make me think "hey, i should blog about that". maybe i will be the next big blogger. then i could get an agent, make guest appearances at places i'd rather not be but since they are paying me to be there i'll go and eventually i will get a book deal. the first book being something that "they" want me to write...followed by one written by me and co-written by someone slightly more famous than i am...then there is the third and beyond. all written by me. now big shot blogger and major author.

talk about life coming at you fast.