sometimes you should sweat the small stuff

NOTE: this was written April 30, 2009. For some reason, I saved it as a draft. I was going to come back and finish it but I don't remember what else i was going to say! So here it is, actually posted on June 6th.

thought: one seemingly insignificant moment can change your life forever.



i wrote yesterday about choices and how they not only affect the person making the choice but those around that person. today i was thinking about moments and how even the most minute events can sometimes have the largest affect.

what are some of these things?

hitting car brakes too fast..or too slow
not smiling at the grocery store clerk. or for that matter being a plain jerk to them.
not saying good-bye
saying "i love you"
saying "i love you" too soon or too late
having a slight pain and not going to the doctor
falling down
giving a child a hug
helping those around you with simple tasks, like getting something from the top shelf



i think the point is proven. it's the small stuff that sometimes counts the most. though, that does contradict that saying "don't sweat the small stuff". i think there are times when that is applicable.

i don't want to go cliche' and say to live every moment as if it were your last. but i think that we all could me more conscious about things...just like with our decisions. if we all were a bit more conscious i think some small improvements would start being made. they may not be seen in my generation but maybe, one day my children will live in a better world.



...perfect example.....my family recycles. mom recently told us though that she doesn't recycle for her, dad, or even us kids, but she is thinking about her grand kids. she recycles for them. it is something so small and simple that it is almost stupid...but it is making an impact.



so, dare i say "dear reader"?...no....so, make every moment count and don't forget to laugh when its time to laugh...even when it isn't time to laugh, do it anyway. and cry when it's time to cry...happy tears, sad tears, whatever. just live your life. you never know when you may end up unable to do the simple things like open a water bottle or tie your shoe..heck, you never know when you may end up in a situation where you are unable to speak or talk.



like that popular phrase says "live. laugh. love." and remember that sometimes it is alright to unconsciously sweat the small stuff.

quotes

thought: am i living in the past, present or future?



i have many e-mail addresses. one of them is an account used for school. on the homepage, we get a quote of the day. this is today's quote:

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing. - R. D. Laing

according to wikipedia, he was a Scottish psychiatrist who wrote on mental illness. but you cannot believe everything you see on there.

anyway, am i living for today, tomorrow, or yesterday? or what about this question? am i living for heaven here on earth or am i only looking forward to it once i die and get there?

time goes by fast and each decision made should be looked at as the most important one you make. the outcome could be either good or bad. simple as that right? there is no gray...only black and white. unfortunately it seems like more and more gray is becoming the norm. black and white are running together to make way for a bland color with no definition or brightness. i think it's sad. where have the absolutes gone?

that being said, i am going to work on making all of my decisions count.....

(I am going to also take this time to let you know that the colonoscopy sweepstakes commercial is on again)

....each time i am about to decided on something i am going to take the time to think about who is going to be affected by that decision. will it be good or bad? how will their outcome affect me? another thing to think about is how is it going to affect me? sometimes i make decisions where the outcome will be for the better of the other person and will place me on the out and out. i would hope that people would think like me and do the same thing so that i could benefit. i am learning that the world does not think like i do. harsh reality? nah. quite the learning experience.

i was watching one of my favorite shows last night, my boys. in it, the main character PJ (a girl) made a bet with her best friend Brenden. she was going to make all of his choices for an entire week and at the end they were going to see if his quality of life improved. throughout the show, the choices PJ makes do improve Brenden's life. at the end of the show, however, he runs off with some chick and comes back having almost died or something. he says that making that decision was the best one of his life...or something to that affect.

goes to prove that right choices for some people are only right for them.

so how do i make my choices count? in this world where black and white are turning into gray, it is hard to walk that line between doing what you think is right and sharing your opinions and stuffing your opinions down peoples throats. i am not sure that i can do much to impact the world. but i can start with those around me. i can choose to make decisions that count and to be a woman of integrity. that is my life's goal at 23 years of age.

with that, i am off to make choices that will change me. change my friends. change my work...church...school...city...well, i don't want to get too big but maybe something small that i do will change the world.

and yes, i recently had a birthday. it was nice. i didn't make a big deal out of anything. it was a great day.

i'm not too great at this

Thought: I really should blog more.

there is a commercial out there, Nationwide Insurance I think, it says that life comes at you fast. they could not be more right. life has been coming at me fast. i hadn't realized that it has been over a month since i last updated. it's not that i have been avoiding the blog but i have been in the fast lane of life. my fast lane is a bit different than the one described by the Eagles in their song "life in the fast lane". my fast lane is an 80mph only lane full of writing papers, reading books about things of the past, and working. what isn't taken up by those things is spent hanging out with my friends or at home...doing nothing...except reading more...and that is usually the books i should be reading for school. i am finding that i want to spend more and more time at home just relaxing.

i think it's a sign of old age...except for the fact that i am not old enough to say that. there are days, however, that my brain and body will beg to differ. a few weeks ago, for example, i went to around 8pm. actually it was more like i fell asleep watching "Casablanca". but in my defense, i know of a few other people who did the same thing that weekend.

this past weekend on the other hand is a different story. i was definitely asleep by 8:30pm friday night and i slept until 10:30am saturday...after my alarm went off at the usual time for work! i then spent the remainder of saturday either sleeping or reading...gosh i sound like a bum!

oh well, what can ya do?

right? i mean, i should be in my "prime" right now...shouldn't i? according to society i should. but then again, isn't 30 the new 20? or is it the other way around? the point i am trying to make is that people are acting younger and younger for their age. thank you MTV, Vh1, and all of those reality shows. granted, a guilty pleasure for me is watching cheesy reality shows because i get a kick out of the scripted moments and voice overs that make you think they are happening at that exact moment....yes, i analyze them. it it highly entertaining.

what was my point again? life grabs you by the horns? no, that is a dodge commercial...oh yes, life comes at you fast...which come to think of it, is an Allstate thing not Nationwide. oh well, that is what google is for.

life comes at you fast. am i prepared? sure....i think. to be even more prepared i am finding that i should do more and more like i did the past few weekends. relax and take care of myself. both things that i hardly ever do. i have a tenancy to take care of other people and to always be on the run. while it is fun, it is fun for only a little bit. i am quickly realizing that i cannot do this forever. there are other things more important than being the social butterfly of every event.

speaking of being the social butterfly, thursday night, i bounced around between some friends houses and birthday parties. it was a lot of fun and i definitely felt like my "old" self...you know, the social butterfly who is always bubbly, laughing, and some how in the center of every conversation (how that happens i don't quite know, but i am taking notes on myself to figure out how i do it...fun stuff!). thursday night i donned a ball cap and was off to grab some coffee, play rock band, and wish a friend "happy birthday". it was great. i saw several of my friends and a few who i haven't seen in a while. i loved it.

then come friday and saturday. we already know what i did then.

come sunday. saw more people i hadn't seen in a while and then....

......i need to stop and say that CBS is having a colonoscopy sweepstakes. they are giving one lucky winner a free colonoscopy and a nights stay in some fancy hotel...at least i think that is what the ad said. i was too shocked by the "colonoscopy sweepstakes" part that i lost the rest of the ad.

wow. anyway. welcome back....

sunday, i saw more old friends and had an amazing day. that night i was with tons of people my own age and i was being "myself". what does that mean? simply put: i was cracking corny jokes and laughing a lot...but not at my own jokes, i won't fall that low :D

so, when life comes at me fast what do i do? kick back for a coupla days and then jump back in. i cannot be in the slow lane for long. i get bored and find that i am longing to be back in the other lane pressing the accelerator to the floor.

no matter which lane i am in though, i should keep the blog updated. i constantly come across things that make me think "hey, i should blog about that". maybe i will be the next big blogger. then i could get an agent, make guest appearances at places i'd rather not be but since they are paying me to be there i'll go and eventually i will get a book deal. the first book being something that "they" want me to write...followed by one written by me and co-written by someone slightly more famous than i am...then there is the third and beyond. all written by me. now big shot blogger and major author.

talk about life coming at you fast.

thoughts

the name of my blog is "thoughts" and it hit me that i need to start every blog with a thought.

so here we go.

thought: my job is preparing me for a lot more than i realize.

a few weeks ago i had heard the story of the woman at the well 3 times in 3 days. i couldn't figure out why. i knew that there had to be a reason, but for the life of me i could not figure it out. a week earlier, as i was thinking about my job and trying to define what i actually do, i came up with this: i am here to serve. i am here to serve not only the children but also the volunteers who make Sunday mornings possible. i am a servant.

later on in the week (where i heard that story 3 times) i was reading the book for small group and the author was talking about preparing yourself for marriage. she said that the wife was to be the servant to the husband.

it was then and there that the light came on. i was sitting in the middle of the music building at school. i put the book down and put the pieces together. the woman at the well was a servant. she did not make a big deal out of it, she simply did what she was asked. i knew that the Lord was trying to tell me that although i serve all the time that it was time for me to take a gut check.

so i have been.

there has always been a joke that i can't be out of the lime light and that everything is all about me. as much as i joke about it and as often as i do something outrageous to entertain people, i really am not a fan of being in the spotlight all the time. i love to direct and be back stage....don't get me wrong, i do love to act. but i know that i am better behind the stage. and if you have been around me for an extend period of time, you may find that hard to believe.

i have also always said that i don't want to get married and that i am super independent. well, the Independence thing is still true. however, through this whole learning to serve and humble yourself thing i am learning how to balance my independence with other stuff. it sucks too because i would much rather do stuff myself. so in learning how to serve the people who volunteer me, i am learning how to rely on them and to get them what they need to do their job better. in the long run things are going to go better on a Sunday morning if lots of people are working instead of me doing the entire thing.

i am also learning how to be a parent. yes, odd one i know but when you work with kids you pick up a few things. on a regular Sunday, i have 250-300 kids. i love every single one of them. and because i love them and because there are always things i can do to make things better for them, i have to sometimes think like a parent. which is kind of scary but then again it is pretty natural too. that's all i have to say on this one.

yes, my job is more than a job. it is more that some place i work...my job is right where i'm supposed to be. i am learning so much there. the people i work with are amazing. the things i am learning while there are amazing.

so...wait, what is my thought for the day....(april scrolls up to read thought of the day).....oh yeah, job preparing me for more than i realize.

who would have thought that 6 months ago i would know what i know now. definitely not me.

My Friends...

...how do I describe them?

Amazing

Wonderful

Funny

No, Hysterical is better

They know me pretty well and always provide me with laughs. They encourage me and push me to do things I wouldn't normally do.

They did it last night. After tons of resistance, I went out on a limb and did something I normally wouldn't do. The ending seemed to be pretty good too.

But we will see how that goes. I'm not holding my breath. God has a plan...not me...I've tried to be in control before and it always ends up a mess.

I see it like this....

They say that God should be in the driver's seat of you life. Well, I see it a bit differently. I think of God as my GPS. The GPS gives you directions and tells you where to go. It leads you around diversions and takes you along the safest route possible. It is up to you whether or not you want to follow your GPS. When you do, you know that you will always arrive at your destination. When you decided to go your own way, sometimes you end up back tracking or getting stuck in traffic. So, yes, I am learning to follow my GPS, even though I think I can navigate my way around this life, I don't know what is up ahead.

So, with that said, life may take a change, but as far as I know, at least for the next 3 months, my path is focused on graduation. Once that is over, I may take a new turn or I may not. One can never know which road the GPS will lead you down. I am glad, however, that I do not have to take this journey alone. Yes, I have the Lord, but I also have some incredible friends.

One of Those Days

So, I woke up today and thought that maybe it would be a bad day. Not because of anything, but because of my mindset; I wasn't in the right one. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't say bummed out. I was alive and kicking. My car got me to work. I was chowing down on a pretty good sausage and egg biscuit...life was pretty amazing at that moment. So then the grouchy mood was gone.

One of the things that got me excited was the fact that I went and saw a play tonight. As soon as I walked into the theatre, a wave of nostalgia hit me. The smell of the theatre was the same and as I looked around the room I began all of the hours spent there. I can go seat by seat and row by row and tell you stories of the first two years of my college years. Then, very quickly, I felt old! I felt like those years had been so long ago...which really, I mean, it was....I graduated there in May of 2006...that is almost 3 years ago!

Speaking of feeling old, some old memories will be brought back to Seattle Mariner fans. Ken Griffey Jr. is going back to Seattle. Hope will be renewed to all of those faithful fans and maybe, just maybe 2009 will be the year!

....maybe he will stay longer than one year....I sure would love to see a game in Safeco! Talk about some nostalgia....Seattle Baseball sure brings back some memories....

Dear Reader....

...This is for you!

I have been informed that I have a reader...or more so I did have a reader. Being that I don't update so often the reader has stopped reading.

So, dear reader, this is for you.

What have I been up to lately? Working and schooling. That is my life. It is tiring but I really really enjoy everything that I am doing right now.

At this moment, I am sitting on my couch watching the biography channel. One of my favorite things to do when no one is home. This episode is about Bernie Mac. It was filmed in 2003, five years before he passed away. I remember when I heard the news. I thought it was a hoax. Made me realize how fragile life is. It is odd when those moments hit you. I've had them a lot. You never know when your last day is going to be...my last day should have been several years ago. Yes, I am one of those people who more than likly should not be here. But I am. It makes me wonder what is in store for me later on in life...obviously I am here for a specific purpose. I don't know what yet though. I cannot wait to see what it is.

Here is to waiting!


On tv now? The biography of Sasha Baron Cohen...and Borat....