thought: something is coming. something that is about to rock my world
at least i think change is coming in my life. while i haven't quite figured out what it is, i have a few guesses.
tonight, while cleaning up after dinner (i've been mom for a week to 3 kids) i realized again how much i cannot wait to have my own place and my own dishes to do. there was something so, rewarding i guess, in making the kids dinner and seeing how much they liked it. then going from that to making banana splits. after the ice cream, it was straight to the dishes and laundry. then picking up some toys, backpacks, and sweeping the kitchen. i really don't mind all of it. and i enjoyed the cleaning.
what's going on with me? why, all of a sudden do i like this stuff? i was going to be the girl, who like Jennifer Lopez in Wedding Planner came home, ate a lean cuisine and worked, worked, worked. now, i can't wait to have a home, cook, clean, and do homework with the kids.
it all started in summer of 2008. all of a sudden i got this burning passion and desire to get married. never before had i wanted it so bad. i always said that i would stay single forever and be an old maid. then i guessed i would get married....eventually....but that summer, it came on strong and i knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is what i wanted. i also knew that it wasn't going to happen right away. even though, i met a guy and thought he was the one. it didn't work out...and looking back now, i can see several things that were not right in the relationship.
then, this past summer, in 2009, i got the burning desire to be a mom. i wanted more than ever before to have a child and watch them grow up. i wanted to hold my own children and take them to work to see daddy. to buy them birthday and Christmas presents they didn't need. to go on fun trips...and to embarrass them like nothing else.
and now i can tell that i'm about to change yet again. though i'm not sure what is going to happen, something big is coming. i'd like to say i can pinpoint what it is but i can't. i hate when i get this feeling because i know that something is about to happen and i don't really know what it is...drives me crazy...not knowing what's coming next. i like to plan stuff out, really i do. and i like having a direction.
yet, as i've learned in life its not about where i want to go. so i guess that means i just have to sit tight and wait.
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