it got me

thought: no matter how hard you try, sometimes "it" wins

when i wrote last time, it was about fear. well, today, i let fear get the best of me. my attitude today was very different than it has been the past few days. i knew as soon as i woke up that i didn't want to fight it...so i let my guard down and gave in.

i felt like junk too.

defeated.

defeated is definitely how i felt.

but then i was reminded that i am loved. not only by people on earth but by Someone who knows every fiber of my being. there is a Creator who has a hand on all that i do. my Bible study is going through a book about myths that Christians often believe. the first one is that once you become a believer you're life is trial and tribulation free. our example was Joseph. think about it, guy was betrayed by his brothers...his family... then sold as a slave. He then picked up the pieces only to be falsely accused of rape and spent time in prison. He was there for a while, helped some people who forgot about him but ultimately he rose to a position of great power.

joseph never gave up on God. the bible never mentions anything about him questioning his circumstances. it seems like he just went along with it and was alright with his life.

i'm not so certain i could hold my composure like joseph did. actually, i know i couldn't. if you know me, you know that i often wear my emotions on my sleeve. what does that mean? if i'm happy you can tell. tired? written all over my face. mad? buddy, you better run. and if you can't tell, then allow me to recommend my optometrist. he's great.

seriously though, how joseph did what he did, i don't know. but i do know that the same person he clung to, had faith in, and didn't run from is with me as well. and, as funny as it sounds, i forget that sometimes. in the last post i said something about using the one i can't see to fight something i can't see. when my wits finally came to me, i did. i ran. things changed. i knew i would be fine. just had to put my heart and mind where they should have been in the first place.

so here i am, at the end of my day. not sure what tomorrow will bring but i am ready for it. i am ready for whatever will be thrown at me. i experienced some major fear and defeat today. but not tomorrow. tomorrow is a new day and i am going to approach it head on.

i can't be stopped.

God can't be stopped.