smile please

thought: sometimes all you have to do is laugh

have you ever had a moment or situation and you didn't know what to do with it? i have those all the time. life seems to throw them at me. there are a few things going on right now that i have no clue what to do about. my best solution? laughter.

no seriously, i love to laugh. i told someone the other day (who told me that someone else we know when asked what they think of me responded "she's full of energy") that i laugh and have fun so much because i love life. i have come across certain situations in my life that have threatened to take that away from me...i have seen it done to other people....God created this earth for us to enjoy it and i fully intended on enjoying it as much as possible. people have seen my always wanting to have a good time as immaturity or a lack of confidence. it is quite the opposite. not trying to blow my own horn but i am told all the time how mature i am...ok ok so maybe i am blowing my own horn...and i am very confident in who i am...mainly because i know who i am in Him!

tonight, i was with my small group girls and we were talking about several things...one of which being a curve that has been thrown at me. this one is pretty funny and i am amused by it. i totally want to see where it will go but i have also decided to give the entire thing up to the Lord. He has a plan for me...and past experience will tell ya that His plan is definitely the better one. but anyway...we were talking about this situation and i was cracking up over it. (what is it? well, it involves a guy and some match making...need more of a translation? they would like to match me with him...am i opposed? i won't say that on a blog :) i trust the Lord with the outcome....) this is one of those things where you can't help but laugh....

.....but what about those times when you can't laugh? when it feels like you are so deep in the valley that not even God can pull you out? well, i have been there too. in fact, there is something else going on in my life that totally has the potential to pull me down. and it did. for a couple of months, i was questioning the Lord as to why this was happening to me. then i realized that i was letting this thing win and it took away my laughter. it tried to take away my life. i didn't want to let that happen so slowly, i began to give it up. it was hard and it still is. i struggle daily with this, but i know that God has a plan. this morning someone was talking about a Tweet one of their friends posted. it said something about children never questioning God or asking Him "why" when something bad happens to them. they just go with it. that is what i want to do...in what seems to be a valley, i still want to find laughter and joy.

i've learned a lot while dealing with this. the past 9 months or so i have learned to be more dependent on other people...what does that mean? my pride has taken some blows and i have to ask for help a lot more..it's for simple stuff too, like opening soda bottles or pouring drinks. it really sucks when i am out and have to ask for help like that...or when i am not able to do an activity, simple or complex, because my hands will cramp...knees will pop....stuff like that. i have learned to chuckle at things, not out of self-pity, but because that is not my personality at all. i have always been very independent and had a "i can do it don't need no one else" attitude. it's humbling and when you learn those lessons it is easier to laugh.

i laugh a whole lot more now...probably more than i ever have in my entire life. i say it all the time, 2008 was a good year for me. it started me on a road toward change...more specifically maturing and growing up. i can see habits and character traits developing now that i will need one day when i am a wife and mother. the growing up and maturing doesn't scare me...it's knowing and recognizing it that does. why? because it's a sign that i am doing so. haha.

i know that one day i will look back, laughing most likely, at this time in my life and see how amazing it really was. i can already tell how much the Lord has done and can see why things have happened. i don't understand them and i will not ask Him "why". instead i will take delight in Him...doesn't matter if i am having a good day or bad day. i can still enjoy His creation and know that He has a plan for me.

so please, smile.

on an off note - i said that i would write more about Arts for Life...they are an organization that i stand behind 100%. they go into the hospitals and work with seriously and terminally ill children. they take the arts to them....and by arts i mean drawing, writing, painting, sculpting, photography, and music. they worked with a family at church and not only were with the child in the hospital but the siblings when they were there. i have always had a spot in my heart for children staying in the hospital. part of it is because i was one of those kids who frequented the children's hospital and so was my cousin. when i see children who are seriously ill i can only imagine what it is like for them and their families. bringing in this form of therapy is fun and opens up a way for the child to creatively express how they feel. i fully believe that anyway a child can express themselves through art should be encouraged...especially if they are going through a tough time. by working with this organization, it can "give them a break" from what is going on and allow them to be a kid...and to laugh. please, please, please visit the Arts for Life website (aflnc.org) and check them out. have some Kleenex ready because you will tear up while looking at it. they are amazing people doing amazing things. they do bring smiles to the faces of critically ill children and their families.