i cheated

thought: i think it's a guilty pleasure?

yes, dear blog, i cheated on you and have been a lot lately. with what you ask? an old fashioned pen and notebook.

i have been writing in a notebook instead of blogging some days. actually, i do this rather frequently. i have several notebooks that i write in for different things. most recently the "notes for my relationship book" notebook has been the culprit. i come up with so many ideas and i jot them down in there. some of them are really good thoughts and are ones i could post here...but i don't. please forgive me.

i will tell you, however, that some of my blogs will go into said book if i ever decide to actually publish it.

writing is a guilty pleasure of mine i think...perhaps i should look up the term to be sure i'm using it correctly...

nope, i misused it according to urban dictionary. granted, i kinda knew that i was.

anyway - i write because i like to do it. i don't act so much any more and sometimes it's hard to ride a bike or walk/run so i turn to writing. even when it hurts to write, i do it. in my room there are pages and pages filled with ideas, songs, stories, sketches...anything i can think of goes down on paper. deep down i know that if i really worked at it, i could have something published. but also deep down i know that if i wanted i could be an actress or be in a band too.

but do i desire them?

that is a question i don't think i can answer. i mean, i know that i desire to be the woman God created me to be and i desire to have a family. but do i desire to be famous?

no. i don't. not in those ways at least.

i think it would be cool to have something published. maybe a book of my sketches. it would be cool to put out a record. it would be cool to be in a play and act my brains out.

secretly, i would like to be known for my blog. i will say that...i would even say that it is a guilty pleasure.

what are some of my other guilty pleasures?

why if i told you, they wouldn't be fun any more.

besides, i've already revealed too much tonight. 1) i cheat on my blog. 2) i want to be known for my blog. 3) ...well i'm sure a third reason is in here somewhere!

i will try to be more faithful my darling blog. really i will. but if i'm not, don't hold it against me. i am only retreating back to what i have grown up doing...writing with an actual pen, paper, and no spell check.