restless

thought: something is stirring inside of me and soon i won't be able to contain it

the past few days i have been stir crazy. i know why, yet i don't. a few things have been going on. nothing major...HA...well some would say they are major. but i'm not worried about them. which is odd. i feel like i should be...

....but something is stirring in my soul...i'm tired of where i'm at and am hungry for more of God...

i was able to sit in a church service today. i love it. i was able to worship my Creator. same thing happened Friday night...i was able to worship. i go to church Sunday nights and its great. i really get a lot from the services...yet something is lacking and i know what it is. i've always known. i'm not worshipping how i want to. i am not fully giving my all to Him and surrendering, thanking, praising, rejoicing in the fact that He is my King.

but this morning in church, i didn't care. i was ready to burst out of my seat. then the message spoke to me and part of the topic played out in me tonight.

as i was in worship this evening, i was suddenly overwhelmed by His presence. i wasn't able to sing...so what did i do? threw my arms in the air and praised my King. then He challenged me and I know that something is going to happen. i don't know what, but He is going to do something. i'm afraid...nervous...ready...willing...anxious....

a hunger was re-birthed in me today...i never saw it coming. i want more...i want more of God. I wasn't expecting this to happen. every word preached; every song sang they were picked out for me. God knew what He was doing well before i made my plans for today. He knew what i needed to hear...what i needed to see. His peace overwhelmed me today and my fears and worry left. so much so that i have almost been moved to tears all day and now, in my room where no one can see me, i am letting them flow. it's not that i don't want people to see me cry but if they did they would assume it was over something else. God's goodness has overtaken me and right now there is no other way to express it.

i cannot describe how i feel right now. a weight has been lifted. yes, i am sitting here with a heating pad on my knee because it is hurting. and yes, i will need to put my wrist braces on here soon. and yes, i will probably have to take something to take the inflammation down in my body...but i'm not afraid. He is cradling me in His arms. the pain is still in my body and it is very real...but my fear is gone. He has it all under control and i'm not afraid.

what about the other piece of "discouraging news" i got today? i knew it was coming and i saw it happen. He keeps telling me to wait...my time will come. i'm not worried about that either. every time i think about it i give to Him and the most amazing feeling of peace takes over. my life is in His hands. He has set me on a certain path and i will not get in the way...

i'm just fine. i'm ready. i'm willing. i'm waiting. i'm restless.

"Lord, do something in me...through me...now...soon" "Be patient," He tells me. 2010 cannot get here soon enough. He is going to do something...i can feel it...i'm hungry God...i want more of You...

this weekend is going to be great. i need it. He will be there...things are going to happen...never before have i enjoyed being restless....